Friday, April 13, 2012

Confessions from the heart

Few things in life are as they seem.  We live in a world that places value on beauty and youth above all other things.  Recently, the ever so honest and beautiful Lucy, did a post about body image that really got me thinking.  Like most women I too have struggled with learning to love myself as I am.  When I was 29 years old I had a boyfriend who explained to me that all men love women with large breasts.  Really?  I was a modest 34B and I could barely stand the thought that he might find someone else more desirable than me just because I had small boobies.
My solution? I went under the knife and came out with 34DD's. BAM!
Don't get me wrong I really do love them but my point is until he said that to me I never gave it much thought.  I stayed relatively content for almost 10 years working out 5 days a week.  I felt great, I mean I really felt strong and healthy.

I moved to Oregon in 2005, met Chris a year later and married a few years after that.  Little did I know as we tried to start a family that I had a uterus filled with fibroids.  I was severely anemic and my uterus was now at about the size of a woman who was 4 months pregnant.  My clothes didn't fit right and I was uncomfortable in my own skin.  I could really only wear black pants because I was always nervous about accidents. Life sucked beyond words.  I had little choice but to get it removed or risk bleeding out.  I had the surgery a year ago last February and I haven't looked back since. Slowly I got my life back, my ability to love myself as I am and the wisdom to be thankful for it.   I think I finally get it.

There is a difference between being obsessed with how you look and making the most of what you have. I think all women can benefit from taking the time to find out what makes them feel beautiful.  Confidence does start with the appearance and why not view yourself as your own artistic canvas.  If you feel good about yourself it shows in your appearance.
I've come a long way baby!  Don't forget we are supposed to enjoy the ride.

29 comments:

Melanie said...

I once had a guy I knocked back bring over a group of others to ask them if they agreed that I would look so much better if I had cosmetic surgery. They all agreed. Even though I'm sure he said it because I knocked him back, I still sting about what was said to this day.

I don't think there is one part of me which hasn't been verbally ripped apart over the years and I suffer from terribly low self esteem, but have in recent years gained confidence (though where from eludes me) to finally dress how I want, all the time. I just wish I had done it sooner.

But enough about me, I always find your posts a pleasure to read and always see someone beautiful, wonderfully vibrant and confident xxx

ps - that headpiece is glorious!

Miss Simmonds Says said...

How heartbreaking, but you're so inspirational, you always look so upbeat and we all know you look like fantastic all the time. You're definitely having a blast and not letting things get you down at all. Go you!

edie pop said...

Thank you Krista for this meaningful and touching post, it's hard to say how moving was for me to read your story and to think about all you've being through.
I really think that, even if it could seems something that belongs to a superficial sphere, self perception is a serious part of the inner health.
Women are always unaware victims of impossible aesthetic canons that often ruin their whole life.
Sometimes I project all my problems on my appearance and I feel miserable because even if I'm not perfect I'm wasting my time, so I'll always remember to quote your last phrase, to enjoy my ride.
I really do hope so( I'm European and melancholic, we invented Lars Von Trier!)I want to try!!

Scarlett said...

Amen to this! What a heartfelt and inspiring post hun, I think us ladies do give ourselves a hard time - live and let live and lets love ourselves as we are, and you my darling are beautiful! Scarlett x

Ivy Black said...

Lovely post, sweetheart.
I think us girls are hard on ourselves but in the end we have one life and we have to look after ourselves in all ways which includes not beating ourselves up.
I agree...we should be our own works of art.
Have a glorious weekend.
xxxxx

pastcaring said...

My dearest Krista. I read your comment on Lucy's post, and was hoping you would feel Ok to blog about this. It's hard to do the personal stuff sometimes, so all power to you for being so open and honest.
You are beautiful. That's it. Smaller(er) boobs, big(ger) boobs, doesn't matter. What DOES matter is that you feel beautiful, healthy and loved. Because you are.
Beauty is a strange old concept. So much of it, for me, is about personality and spirit, but somehow that shines through in how you look. Most of us want to look as good as we can, whatever we have to work with. There isn't a single way to look great, we all can. YOU DO!
You have come a long way, and I'm so pleased you did!
LoveYOUmorethanbigboobs! xxxxxxxxx

Lakota [Faith Hope and Charity Shopping] said...

You look beautiful - then and now. This is something I struggle with a lot. I had the usual young teenage worries - then a surge of confidence - and now I have to admit I've lost it again since my children. Sometimes I find reading other women's blogs helpful, other times I think it makes me feel worse. I made peace with my body and it went and changed on me again - I've never felt pretty, but I did have an OK body. Now that's gone I'm not sure what's left, I've never been good at hair and makeup.

Sian Lile said...

love this post (and loved lucy's too). like lakota, i think you looked amazing before and after.

Trees said...

Such a brave post my dear!! I agree - if you feel good on the inside, it shows on the outside. I've had endometriosis for a LONG time now and I live quite a lot of my life in some level of pain (and get told by doctors I'm "on a one way road to a hysterectomy") - much like what you've been through, when something actually really goes wrong, you start to appreciate all that's right with your body rather than dwell on the little things. I think you're amazing!

Helga! said...

O,darling,what a beautifully honest post.
I think we've ALL suffered bullshit comments in the past, and we're all living proof that those comments are crap,and the people who made them are crap,cos we're all SPECTACULAR!!!
Love this post,and love you.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Helga! said...

O,darling,what a beautifully honest post.
I think we've ALL suffered bullshit comments in the past, and we're all living proof that those comments are crap,and the people who made them are crap,cos we're all SPECTACULAR!!!
Love this post,and love you.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Heather said...

Thank you for sharing I appreciate your sincere words....Ugh I am not yet comfortable in my skin not sure what I am waiting for...I keep hearing once you hit 40 you just become more comfortable with yourself...I am not 40 (getting real close hehe!) but hoping I won't need to wait and just be happy now as I am :) ~ Its amazing the impact of words in our life positive and negative ~good reminder I think also that our words impact others also ~Your inspirational~ and you look fantastic in pink ~an amazing combination :) Love Heather

two squirrels said...

Oh sweet this such a heartfelt post, I feel so blessed to read it and understand a little more about this beautiful lady Krista.
Life is such a journey of experiences that can define us in ways that can be positive or negative. It's down to what you choose will define you.
At the age of 33years I had a full hysterectomy, due to endometriosis. It has meant in some way I have embraced being more feminine. The heartbreak of not being a mum effects me always.
Much love gorgeous lady. Love v

Frocktasia said...

Dearest Krista,
Thanks for this great post. After being told that I had a big ugly nose by school bullies at the age of ten I wanted to have my nose done and I even saved my pocket money up for surgery. I wanted a perfect little cute girly nose, straight and narrow like Morgan Fairchilds, I thought that if I only had a perfect nose everybody would love me and my life would be perfect but when I was sixteen I meet an awesome individual that changed my perception of beauty forever. She'd been in a car accident and was facially disfigured. I've never met a more centered person in all my life, she was like a ray of pure light & she made me realize that true beauty comes from within. I spent the conk money on going inter railing throughout Europe instead and I'm glad I never got that pretty as a button nose, it just wouldn't be me.
I love what you wrote about being your own artistic canvas, I totally agree with that.
You always look radiant and lovely.
Lot's of love, Jennie...x

Krista said...

I really want to thank you all for sharing your stories and wisdom with me. Real beauty does come from our hearts and no amount of make up or plastic surgery will change that. Curtise said it best, beauty is about personality and spirit! All of your stories are so appreciated and I think you have each taught me a little something.

I love you gals!
Sincerely-
Krista

Bombshellicious said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bombshellicious said...

Love the post, weird and wonderful is the world of self esteem. Youlook great inthe before and after pics and its a shame that comments made can make us feelthey way we do sometimes. xx

Louise said...

What a great post. Everyone has something about them that doesn't fit their ideals of perfect, I know there are things I hate, but you are so right, we are our own canvass and we can give ourselves confidence. I do think that the support of other bloggers helps too. You always look fab, I think. Xx

Dolly Cool Clare said...

I feel sad that someone made you feel like you were not good enough, and you changed yourself because of it. Being happy and healthy are the most important things in life for sure, and anyone who doesn't accept you for who you are should not be in your life!
Its great that you have moved on now, and are comfortable with yourself - you look great! :)

Misfits Vintage said...

Well, it's taken me four days to catch up on all my blogs... I started with Helga's and saved you for last, my darling, as a reward to myself for getting through such a daunting task. You are my reward!

What a beautiful post. You are so tough and gutsy, so honest and you speak for most women I think.

I think you were perfect before - and you're perfect now. You are beautiful with red hair, pink hair, smaller boobs, bigger boobs... you are just perfect and wonderful and beautiful and amazing. And look at you wrangling that gun like it's no big deal!

YOU ROCK THE UNIVERSE!

Love YOU, Sarah xxx

Thick Threads said...

some men are assholes! but its only because they dont know any better. I am so sorry for what you had to go through with your surgery, i cant imagine how hard that must have been and how strong of a woman you are. You are gorgeous darling! and i am glad that you are appreciating all that is amazing about you! :) thanks for this post gorgeous.

xox
Anita

LUCEWOMAN said...

I've been away this weekend, so only just caught this post.

WOW! Now everything makes sense, the respect you have, not just for your body, but every woman you know's body. You have learned such a lot about self-worth and are able to inspire others in away that is so loving and honest.
You should be very proud of yourself because you're truly beautiful inside-out and have never taken anything for granted.

Thanks for this post Krista, it means more than I can say.

Lots of love,always

Lucy x

VainGlorySinner said...

This was a lovely and very honest post, I agree with what others say, you looked great with smaller boobs and you look great with bigger boobs - your chest doesn't detract any loveliness from your face, your smile or your personality, they are just boobies!

Ex boyfriends can be complete and utter assholes which make you wonder why you ever saw anything good in them in the first place, I know I feel that way about a few of mine but they're in the past and all that counts is that we are loved for who we are by the ones we are with right now, I know I've never felt as comfortable with anyone else as I am with Pyf!

My body image and self esteem is very low, there are some days when I feel so depressed about the way I look that I cry and other days I feel good about myself, recently it's been more good than bad which is good. I've been over weight since I was about 13 years old and so have been through all the dreaded bullying in school which caused me to leave school early when I turned 16 (I regret that decision to this day) but at the time I just couldn't stand it.

I have tried dieting so many times over the years with mixed results and I know I'm never going to be completely happy in myself until I reach my goal but I know that is going to take a long time and a hell of a lot of work but hopefully some day I will be there. Until then I have Pyf to make me feel better on the days when I'm feeling down and I'm so thankful for him.

You are such a strong and high spirited person, even after all you've been through, I can't imagine how hard it was to make the decision to have your womb removed but you haven't let it get in the way of enjoying your life to the fullest which is awesome and inspiring! Stay strong and happy! xxx

Hope Adela Pasztor said...

You are so beautiful! LOVE the pink hair! =)

http://pinkchampagnefashion.blogspot.com/

Bella Q said...

Hello Krista. This is such an incredibly open and honest post, and I thank you for it. I'm grateful for this community of fashion bloggers that is so much more than fashion- I think it does boil down to a community of kindred spirits and we strive for a positive body image and healthy self esteem. Your honesty is part of that, and it really resonates with me.

I am so glad you left a comment on my blog and I am getting to "meet" you. First in this virtual way of blog to blog and hopefully someday in person.

You said you're a pal of Vix- well, that is good company for sure- as is your blogroll- some of my all time faves- ok many of them are over there- so we've got great taste, lol!

I do plan to visit Portland and I would love to meet you.

For now, you've been added to my +40 blogroll (how did I not know you sooner?) and look forward in getting to know you post by post.

If you're on FB, please find me (I'm under Citizen Rosebud) or email me: Bella(at) thecitizenrosebud(dot)com.

Hello! Goodbye!

La Dama said...

Oh mi Kristita I am so proud of your beatiful soul that radiants such beauty.
You look gorgeous with or without boobs amor.
Your such a brave bella for sharing this touching story with us.
I grew up early with big boobs and I got lots of unwanted perv attention and drama. I always hated mt gigantic breast. until I realized and started to appreciate what I have and make the most of it. also growing older helps a lot.
Besotes

Miss Magpie said...

Just been catching up on my blog reading and loved your post. It's amazing how one thoughtless person can colour your perception of yourself. Mind you I think noone can be as hard on you as you are on yourself, or that certainly rung true for me. It has taken me a long time to be comfortable in my own skin and I still have bad days. The fact I absolutely hate having my photo taken says that I still have a way to go.
I think you are an inspiration and secretly wish I had the guts to wear some of the wonderful outfits you do!

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Alejandro Quiroz said...

Although it's a rising trend this past few years, people are still anxious of going through with cosmetic procedures because of the social stigma it entails. But I firmly belive that people shouldn't be afraid to pursue the things that would make them appreciate themselves more, especially if it'll lead to extra health benefits. This has been a very inspirational story, and I hope those who feel that they need to so something but are hesistant may read your story, so that they could best choose what's right for them. The best of health!

Alejandro @ CosMed Clinic