Thursday, August 8, 2013

This is a long one

Life feels a bit strange to me right now. Tomorrow Chris and I head to Seattle to see his Aunt one last time. I have never had a chance to say a proper goodbye to a loved one. It is something I think is very special and also I'm sure very difficult.  I just don't wanna cry in front of her, I feel so weak sometimes.  I also just found out that my Dad has a rare skin cancer called merkel cell carcinoma on his face.  He will have to have some tumors removed and reconstructive surgery and hopefully the CAT scan will show that it has not spread.  Seeing fear in my Dad's eyes makes me feel very sad.  Suffering of any kind causes my heart to ache something awful.

This is why life feels .....strange.  There are also a lot of wonderful things happening that make me  happy right now.  You all know I'm waiting for my sweet MINI to arrive, my niece just spent the weekend with me and yes I'm still riding that high, and because of this blog I have formed some real lasting friendships.  Why just last year about this time I was getting ready for our trip to the UK to meet the sexy and sweet Vix.  That was some adventure:) and we still speak regularly via Skype and I am so thankful for those precious conversations.

I have also been so lucky to form a close friendship with Cristi of Kiss Me Kitty, who is right here in Portland.  Cristi read my blog for almost a year before she emailed me and said she had made me a special pink pair of leggings.   She had never left a single comment on my blog but she was there the whole time.  I am learning a lot from her, but the first thing she taught me was that sometimes you don't know who's listening and I like that unknown very much.
She really did make me this dress over lunch.  I can't tell you how much I love it!
She is making some to sell at the Hawthorne Street Fair on Aug. 18 and I will be there because duh why wouldn't I?
I watched a documentary yesterday recommended by Caz of Nerd Burger who is vegan it was called Vegucated.  I knew I should not have watched it, I'm a little in denial about where my meat comes from and what it's doing to the planet.  Well I could not eat my dinner of chicken last night, the smell of it made me want to hurl.  WTF?  I really don't think I will ever eat chicken or a hamburger again. I ate this instead with rice.  Something changed in me.  So all you vegetarian/vegans out there share with me why you gave up meat and or dairy and when.  I want to know.
Life certainly has its ups and downs and is teaching me to be in the moment more.  Keep learning, keep loving, keep going, and when its time let go.  Do not sweat the small stuff!

I'll see you all next week!


Louise McDonagh said...

What a contemplative post dear Krista. I think your paragraph prompting us to keep learning and keep loving is so important though. Life is a rollercoaster and we don't know where it will take uswhen, so we must enjoy the ride.

I ddon't think I could ever take the vegetarian plunge.


Carina Rosenholm said...

Life is a strange rollercoaster... ups and downs. When your parents gets sick it feels unreal - they are supposed to be there for us always it feels like.. Animals die and breaks your heart in a million pieces - you glue it together and keep on living with cracks in your heart for ever. Sadness for thoose who leaves us.
Im not a veggie but dont like to eat meat from "factorys " blessed to be rased with game from our own forrest.

Anonymous said...

BIG hugs for your loved ones - hold them tight - my Aunty died a couple of weeks ago after a long time with dementia. We were all very very sad until we found a box of old photos in the attic and then we had her back again. Memories keep people living eternally - in your heart is not as good as by your side maybe - but it's still pretty good.

I'm veggie because I saw inside a chicken prep house when I was 12 - the whole ghastly conversion from live poultry to plastic wrapped corpse. Having said that - meat producers don't really care about veggies/vegans - but they do listen to meat-eaters who want animal welfare standards to be paramount. You can probably do more for animal welfare by purchasing meat more choosily than boycotting it altogether. Sadly - the bottom line is all that seems to count.

Love to you and your Daddy xx

Sandra said...

It is such a difficult time, our strength is always there and surprises us, and when our parents appear vulnerable and are ill our instinct is to protect, I believe in hope, always, my heart is with you, and through all of this, life continues in its amazing way -

I eat meat, once I didn't for 5 years because I didn't like the taste, I don't eat it every day though xxx

thorne garnet said...

It's really hard when someone you love dies, or is sick. I find it helps if you think about the happy times you had with that person or the fun times you'll have when they get better. It's all part of life.

I have no idea what that green stuff is that you ate. What the heck is it? I eat poultry and some seafood. Mostly for my health. I can't seem to digest beef very well, so that's my body telling me not to eat it. I don't get on a bandwagon and annoy others about it, there's nothing worse than a hardcore vegan getting all up in arms about the ice cream I'm eating. It's counter-productive.

Tamera Wolfe said...

{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}} been there, done that. It's not easy but you'll be thankful you were able to say goodbye.
I'll be keeping your Dad in prayer!

Finding my "tribe" via blogging has been one of the awesomest things that's happened to me the last couple of years.

That dress is totally SUH_WEET!!! Of course--anything accessorized by the adorable Peetee would be fabulous!!

I didn't go vegetarian/vegan so much because of anyhting meat-related (we got our beef, pork & chicken from organic local sustainable sources as it were) For me it was the overall health benefits that pushed me.

That alien green cauliflower looks YUMMY.

Check out this blog for lots of good reasons WHY to go vegan--Crystal is a great resource!!

love ya and i'll be thinking of you and Chris this weekend!!

Forest City Fashionista said...

Saying goodbye to a loved one, whether it be pet or person, is one of the most difficult things to do, but you will be glad you did it. I hope your Dad's treatment is 100% successful, and it's not too stressful for him. I love your head-to-toe pink outfit, and your words of wisdom regarding, living, loving, and knowing when to let go. I am glad you're part of my blogging circle!

Nat said...

A very hard time for you Krista... I do feel for you and really hope that your dad is going to be OK. Thinking of you and Chris as you say goodbye to your loved aunt this weekend.
Take care xxx

freckleface said...

Oh Krista, this is hard, grown up stuff, and nothing anyone can say can make it better. But people are right, it's good to have a chance to say goodbye, and to have the chance to support people when they are poorly. I think the people who suffer the most are the ones who have loved ones snatched away unexpectedly or who don't spend enough time with them when they are well.

Life is always a mixture of the good and the bad. The good helps you get through the bad.

The dress is lovely! Flirty, pretty and cute.

I stopped eating meat over 25 years ago. I was never a big fan, always preferred vegetables, but growing up, vegetarianism wasn't an option. Then one year we went for Xmas at my uncle's and he fed us half a cow, half a sheep, half a pig each meal. God it was awful. I couldn't eat any more, so that was it. Never missed it. xxxx

PinkCheetahVintage said...

Life is so full of contrasts... It's hard to be feeling contradicting emotions at the same time. But, I think these moments are what gives us depth.
Oh man, the vegetarian issue. I am always borderline about to go veggie. So many things wrong with the current industry. My husband is a vegetarian, too. Always sort of considering it...

Vix said...

Aspects of life are so awful.
Death is sadly inevitable and that's why we have to make the most of every day we have, we don't know what's in store, what horrible illness may strike us down and limit us. That's why I hate bucket lists and planning too far in advance.
Say your goodbyes and rest assured that they were appreciated and treasured.
It's awful to see parents being and knowing our roles have been reversed and we are their protectors, it's something that's overshadowed my life for the last three years, it's not easy to deal with.
On a lighter point you dress is fabulous, you are gorgeous, Cristi is mega-talented & fabulous and Peetee is as cute as a button.
As you know I've been a veggie since I was tiny, I can't eat something with a face!
Love you! xxxxx

Anonymous said...

So sad to know about your father, I wish everything is going to be fine as soon as possible..well life has many unpredictable sides, both positive and negative and we should keep on dealing with them in the best way..sometime is so hard to be so faraway,but I want you to know that I'm by your side!
I love that you find such a great friend as Cristi and your words make me hope that even in the 'dark side' of our blogs there is a friend who is listening and cares for us!
The dress she makes is beautiful and it looks amazing on you, I wish her to have the success she deserves at the Street Fair and I'm glad that she'll have a great supporter as you to help her!
I don't eat meat since I was very young, I never liked it and when I started to cook for myself I decided it was better to respect animals. But I'm not vegan and I couldn't be because I'm allergic to nikel that it's in every cereal and legumes (that makes my diet very sad!).
I love you!!
A big hug to you and Chris!!

Nerd Burger said...

Saying goodbye is never easy. I hope your final goodbye is as positive as you can be.
I am glad the film made you think about some life choices as well. Let me know if you need to talk. I'm always free to Skype.

pastcaring said...

Oh Krista, there are some tough things going on for you and your family, and I am sorry about that. But having the opportunity to say goodbye is important, and supporting and loving those who are with us but who have hard roads to travel is essential too. You can do these things, you are kind and strong and loving.
Blogging has brought some fantastic people into my life and into yours. Cristi is a total treasure, and I am so happy you found each other, even if it took a while for her to get chatting to you. The dress she made you is gorgeous - like the gal who made it and the gal who is wearing it!
Stay strong, stay wonderful - I am glad you are in my life, love! xxxx

Helga! said...

O, sweetie, the ups and downs, highs and lows of life. I do hope that the trip to Seattle isn't too awful, but it will be sad and there's nothing to be done about it. You celebrate life with every inch of your body, no wonder it's hard to deal with its opposite. But they go hand in hand, don't they?! I guess we just have to make the most of every second!!!
LOVE YOU! Just keep close to Chris and love each other madly! XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Anonymous said...

Krista, it really is difficult to say goodbye to a loved one but incredibly worth it. Even if you do cry, its real and honest. I hope your Dad's treatment goes well, too. You are dealing with a lot. All the best to you. You bring pink sunshine to this Canadian vintage-loving gal.

I have been a vegetarian for 15 years. I love animals and don't want to contribute to their suffering.

Miss Simmonds Says said...

I know how hard it is to say goodbye to someone, it was shocking and painful but I'm glad I did it. I hope you're ok and I hope your dad is ok too, you're an amazing lady and you'll give him all the support you can. I would love a trip to see you and Cristi on the 18th (it's my birthday!) - the dress she made is beautiful, I hope she sells loads xxx

two squirrels said...

Oh sweet what a huge lot to deal with in one poor thing........cry, talk, smile, laugh and cry some more and then just love in the best way you and caring.
Just be beautiful you.
Love V

Ariane Lasalle said...

So sorry about your father - he will pull through i'm sure, cancer is so scary but a lot are treatable taken on time - But it's scary - I remember when i when the dr told me i had abnormal cells that had to be removed asap, you do feel strange like it's not happening to you but to another person, really strange -

So sorry for your aunt as well, so hard isn't, i can't imagine it never happened to me -

Your dress is so adorable Krista!

Yes live, laught and let go -


Ariane xo

Melanie said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your dad Krista *hugs*
I've been vegetarian since I was twelve .. I saw a programme about sausages and it turned my stomach. I never, ever ate meat again.