Monday, October 27, 2014

No one told me grief feels like fear

Today marks 6 months since my Dad died, I guess all of this Day of the Dead has my heart aching a little bit.  On Friday as I was driving to Cristi's to hang out I just started balling, I had done that same drive so many times meeting my Dad for his doctors appointments, now he's gone forever.  I have to thank all of you wonderful folks who left me comments when I was caring for him, I re-read those yesterday and they made me feel so much better.  Misery sure loves company and you are great company!
Despite a bit of melancholy I had a wonderful weekend.
 All of my family lives in San Diego so my friends here have become family.  I don't know what I would do without them.  Cristi and I went to Red Light on Friday and I am wearing a romper with matching jacket that I got.  Pretty amazing huh!

Portland has more strip clubs than any other state in the USA.  I have never been inside of one, I need to change that!
 I wore tons of cute stuff last week but had no time for outfit shots, so here are some lazy glimpses.

 Work break:)

 Found a German cuckoo clock for $3.
 Getting ready for halloween!
 I got a sweet hair cut and I hope to have my hair dyed in about a month.  I gotta let it fade a bit.

 I picked up this hair wrap in Seattle, I love it!
 Here is Ash is all her gray glory.
 Here is my 27inch iMac from 2010, Chris is putting in a new solid state drive in.  I am also teaching myself HTML and CSS.  I want to learn a new skill because I have a pretty cool idea and I need to learn it to build it.
It feels good to have something besides work to put my own energy into.  I hope you are all doing well.  Any plans for Halloween?


Maureen said...

Always something to pluck at the heartstrings. Sad, but lovely that you love and miss.

thorne garnet said...

I guess live nude dancers are better than dead ones...LOL

So that's what the insides of a Mac looks like. The Doctor has one of those, I swear if he know how , he could change the course of the planets with it.

Don't know what I'm loving more: pets in hats or that jacket.

Miss Magpie said...

It's incredible how hard loss can still hit you, but it really does get easier in time.

That's some great outfits and pets in hats is enough to brighten my Monday evening.

Natalia Lialina said...

So many lovely photos here, Krista! You are very artistic, even your selfies are. Love that very first picture a lot - so expressive! Love seeing your colorful home! You are beautiful!

I am sorry that your heart is aching. I don't know whether the title of your post is your own phrase or you quote someone, but I find it very insightful. I think a lot of our so called negative emotions/feelings fall into "fear" category. I also think that grieving will take as much time as you need. It's not easy to accept a loss...

On a lighter note, that lovely clock for only $3? How you even find such deals? :) xxxx

Vix said...

Those anniversaries are hard and its still early days for you. You've been terrifically brave and there's no harm in having a good old cry when you need it.
That rainbow jumpsuit, what can I say? I loved it on the hanger and I'm all over it on your hot bod. I adore every single one of your outfits, too much fabulousness and not enough complimentary words to hare out equally.
Good to see a bad ass cat alongside sweet Peetee. Polly Piglet chucked up on my patchwork curtain when I was on the Wii Fit this morning and I thought of you and what you'd say!
Love you! xxxxxxxxxx

mondoagogo said...

Grief doesn't just go away, but you still manage to find all the light and colour, and that can make the grief easier to bear.

I had no idea that granola Portland had the most strip clubs! And I'm giggling because the pic of you that's below the pic of the strip club shows off a magnificent rack! :D

Nerd Burger said...

Keep being the bright beautiful person you are. There is no better way to honour him on this 6 month anniversary than by smiling with friends.

PinkCheetahVintage said...

Girl, I still occasionally burst into tears over my dad and it's been 4 years. That jumpsuit is EPIC!!!!!! I lived in Tampa, trust me, we could give your strip clubs a run for their money... They're not as much fun as you might think.

Suzanne Carillo Style Files said...

I can only imagine it'll take lots of time before you don't need to worry about breaking down and crying.

On a lighter note the animals in the mexican hat really put a smile on my face : )

I can't believe you got that clock for $3.

I was waiting to hear how the strip club was...I've always wanted to go to one as well.


Beth Waltz said...

Krista, I'm old enough to be your mum, so please believe me when I promise that the pain of loss changes in time. Note I don't promise that it lessens, but it does melt into one's being like the scar of an old wound and becomes easier to see and to bear.

You're absolutely on track to healing when you embrace life, be it family, friends or small dogs wearing sombreros. I'm a bit doubtful about the merits of a strip show :} but do look about for a Japanese Obon festival -- their own dance with the dead accompanied by bad jokes and good food!

Hollie "Jet" Black-Ramsey said...

eeewwww strip clubs!! Any clubs just for women tho? Gotta love in a man in a sequined g-string and a bow tie! ::shudders::

Sue said...

It is early days for you with the whole grief thing. Just give yourself as much time as you need. I remember going to see my Doctor after about six months of having lost my dad, I thought I was unwell. Turns out it was a big old kick arse dose of grief! Took me two years to get over losing him, and I am all good now. I always think of him and I am grateful for all the memories and photos, they help in those down times. All the best.

Melanie said...

Thinking of you Krista xxx

Bobbi said...

The rainbow romper is awesome and looks great on you.
You are blessed to have found a family where you are. Cristi is amazing.
I've been in strip clubs - they aren't like in the movies!

Tammy McGill said...

Someone one described grief as an ocean, it comes in waves. You have a lot of people to lean on tho.
Peetee and Ash look so cute in that little sombrero haha
I can't wait to see your new color when you get your hair done. I recently colored mine back to brownish red. The pink takes a lot of work. At least mine did.

Kari S said...

Wut.....Did you say you haven't been to a strip club here yet? Dang girl, that's amazing! You gotta change that! And ohhh BIG bear hugs. Dude, grief is unfortunately a very long process. It's not like a daily gets to you kind of process but you'll find it's like a cycle. And over time the cycle gets longer. I think it's our brains, we can only grasp so much really. So there really are levels to grief. Just you know don't beat yourself up or wonder why it's still happening. I don't think you are or anything....OK I'll shut up now. You know I love the jumpsuit with the rainbow! But of course I do, it's almost all black!

freckleface said...

Aw, bless you, sometimes it all just bubbles up and needs to come out. This year we went through Charles de Gaulle airport in Paris. The last time I was there was as a teenager, when my parents were living in Paris, and my father used to come and pick us up from the airport. He's been dead nearly 20 years, but it still made me cry to think of him no longer there, and what might have been. Sad, life is sad.
But on to happier things. Your rainbow jumpsuit for a start. You know i said I'd play nice when we go shopping together? Not sure how that would work with things like that! :) Look at Peetee in his Mexican sombrero! And your cuckoo clock! And your beautiful hair. Yes, plenty of smiles for those. Respect on the html css front! You can do it!! Xxxxxx

Helga said...

OMG, the pookies in the mini sombrero!!! Too adorable!
I still get the melancholies, after 14 just sort of gets easier to put aside.
Love all these zippy little glimpses of outfit magnificence! They're teasers, really...and good perves at your boobage! Woof!

Carina Rosenholm said...

Grief is so hard .. it comes over you like a tidewave and it takes a long time to heel . But
You have such great friends !
Sending you love from the north !

cherre henderson said...

That Peetee is so darn cute!!

Its still very fresh for you, your dads passing. You never get over losing a parent. Its been 33 years since my dad passed away and I still have my moments of grief. You have great friends to carry you through these hard times. :-)

Forest City Fashionista said...

I'm sure there will be more moments like that to come - there is no expiry date on grief, but it will get easier. You are lucky to have such a good support system of friends in Portland, and online to help you through this.

Love all the colours and pretty details in the photos, and of course, dear little Peetee. Great haircut, and it's cool that you are learning new tech stuff - can't wait to see what you plan to build. Take good care of yourself!

Nat said...

I still think about my dad every single day and sometimes have a little cry... it's almost 4 years on now. Quite natural- we never stop grieving those we love, we just always hold them closer in our hearts and keep them that way...
Love the photos of Peetee and Ash and of you of course, gorgeous woman!
Looking forward to your new hair dye soon :-)

Curtise said...

Oddly enough, I was just thinking about you and your dad the other day... Has it really been 6 months? That's no time at all in terms of grief, as everyone has already said; I don't think we ever get over significant losses and traumatic events, but over time, we come to an accommodation of them. But sudden overwhelming surges of sadness? I think they are to be expected, no matter how much time has gone by.
Support from friends, madly, wonderfully colourful clothes and crazy design, creating and learning and developing new skills, and of course your darling creatures will all help, of course. Though I have to say that Ash is clearly MOST displeased about that mini sombrero - look at her expression!
Strip clubs? Never been to one, and not feeling the attraction, if I'm honest! But cuckoo clocks and cute Halloween nails? Now you're talking! xxxx

Trees said...

*big hugs* to you! You have had a rough year, but you've made it through to the other side. I have had a tough year too and keep telling myself 2015 will be my year. I love all the outfit sneak peaks :)

Blogger said...

I've just downloaded iStripper, so I can have the hottest virtual strippers on my taskbar.